quinta-feira, 17 de outubro de 2013

The Lion and the Fish - Part III

Against eddies and whirlpools,
swiftly he swims,
running from no one but himself,
searching for something long longed for.

Pacing fast and brave without a pant,
making all in his way run,
he knows what was then is lost,
but roars for something new.

At the end of the river, there the ocean is,
with its mermaids, nymphs and songs,
luring everyone who there dares to explore,
towards it he goes.

The savannah is silent and bare,
without a drop of rain since they last met,
what seemed like a tragedy, is now bliss;
for he had found another one.

And all the tears he had shed,
almost made this river sea,
but now he knows what he must do -
away from him, this land and life, he'll be.

By dawn they meet, and in loving roar
lighting and thunders break,
bringing life to where death roamed.

At the delta he now freely swims,
no longer tied to the love
he once begged for.

Now he stands, as a strong warrior,
atop of a tree he sees,
where they once were,
and now with his new one he is.

And as a merman,
this brother of Glaucus,
heads north,
answering a long and distant call.

terça-feira, 30 de julho de 2013

The Lion and the Fish - Part II

And howling and roaring
we wonder why he is.
Sitting aside and crying
for him who now dead is.

We question why he first jumped,
and the reasons for what he did.
Maybe it was impossible to be stopped -
the pain that in his heart hid.

The guilt and sorrow he felt
of seeing him there, little by little, choke,
as his heart, slowly beating, broke.

And the Lion, there he was,
not crying for his love,

but roaring for how free, he now was.

Bauru, 10/10/10

sexta-feira, 26 de julho de 2013

The Lion and the Fish - Part I

Running, free and wild
Through fields of unknown matter
Through thoughts of no one’s mind
Through space and time

Swimming, fast and swift
Across rivers of hope
Across dreams and illusions
Across reality and imagination

O, what he would give to run with him
To feel the green grass upon his fins
To smell the dry air above
To be one more time with him

And what he would give to dive as well
To wet his mane deep in the river
To move with the waves
To break free from this dry land

Dreams and hopes of both in love
Fears and desperations of lovers apart
Desires of days longing for more
Cries of pain and sorrow

It was all too much for one
It was all too far
It was all too sad
His heart was tight and beating slow

The tide was slow and calm
The river was quiet and peaceful
Back and forth he practiced
Calculating; analyzing

Lying in the grass nice and easy
Feeling the breeze upon his fur
Sighing for the moments together spent
Long gone ago

In a moment he heard
A splash across the banks
He stood tall and strong
Afraid of what could that be

His eyes gazed through the fields
The grass being squished
Water - splattered
His heart slowly breaking

He jumped on the grass
Hoping for a miracle to come
Wishing to breathe that air
He ran to save his love

Roaring sadly and filled with grief
Flipping in hopelessness chance to live
Was it all too soon?
Was he too late?

It was the distance that killed them
It was the distance that brought them together
It was the distance that separated them

Softly and gently, now and then

segunda-feira, 29 de abril de 2013

Roses and Cats


The house I grew up in smelled of roses. My mom would buy them every day at the street market close by, "what a pretty sight they are," she'd say. To my mind they were only alright. I was never fond of them actually. I guess it was because I once had a cat that loved eating them and my mom made me get rid of him. Poor Frisky, never saw it coming. I didn't kill him or anything, if that's what you're thinking, but we were best buds. He waited for me to come back from school every day sitting on the window facing the street. But one day, my dad and I took him to a friend's farm and left him there. Some days later, I got a phone call saying that he tried to run away and was found dead on the road. A car or something must have run him over. Poor Frisky.

I went to College in the West Coast, which for my mom was my way of putting a knife through her heart. She wanted me to go to school in Michigan, but I was tired of that miserable Winter time. I moved to chase the Sun and Arizona was the place to be.
I remember getting off the plane and seeing that dessert landscape and thinking to myself, "I bet I won't smell roses anymore," which was a funny thing to think of.

I saved all the money I got working part-time during the Summers while I was in High School and got myself a nice one-bedroom unit in a complex. It had a pool and a small fitness studio and the neighbors seemed to be nice.

After a year or so, I decided to get myself a new cat, after all, now there were no roses to worry about. Frisky, the second, as I named him, was this beautiful black cat. My mom said that he would only bring me bad luck, but I don't believe in this kind of things. Little did I know. The cat seemed to be possessed! He ruined a whole couch in less than a month. One evening I arrived home and I saw my walls all scratched, "there goes my deposit," I murmured. The other day my boyfriend spent the night and when we woke up, one of his shoes was completely unwearable. He was nothing like Frisky, the first.

One day my boyfriend gave me 12 dozes roses, one for each month we were together and I immediately asked him, "have you forgotten about your shoe and Frisky?" He just laughed. When I got home, Frisky saw the roses and slowly crept towards them and I could already see me sweeping endless rose petals from the floor, but he simply smelled them. When I woke up, there he was, sleeping around them. I guess they made him calmer, and since that day, I always have some around the house; it's a matter of "homeland security."

____

This short story was written as part of a class I'm taking at the Writer's Program at UCLA.

segunda-feira, 1 de abril de 2013

Ewigkeit


Lieber R.,

wie geht's, amado? Como o tempo passa rápido, não é? Ontem mesmo eu recebera uma mensagem que, por algum motivo, eu já esperava. Lembro-me que eu sabia exatamente do que se tratava antes mesmo de lê-la. Lembro-me de ter sonhado que segurava sua mão, e que me olhava com os seus olhos azuis, que na verdade eram verdes, mas que sempre direi o contrário, e você me dizia que estava na hora de ir. Estranho tudo isso não?
E por outro lado, há pouco estava onde tudo começou; onde tudo mudou para você; onde se uma coisa tivesse acontecido diferente, talvez você ainda estaria aqui. Talvez eu não te conheceria, mas você pelo menos estaria ainda fazendo feliz aqueles que ao seu redor já estavam. Ou talvez até nos conheceríamos, mas as circunstâncias seriam tão diferentes que não teríamos sido tão amigos. Ou talvez nada teria afetado e você continuaria aqui, ao nosso lado, mesmo que nas lindas terras do Império do Oeste.
Três anos se passaram. E como passaram. Muito aconteceu. Mudei muito e tenho certeza você também teria mudado. Resolvi assumir os meus sonhos e correr atrás deles, mesmo que muitas vezes com um grande receio de quebrar a cara, mas ao mesmo tempo com a estranha confiança que tudo dará certo. Creio que tudo foi uma congruência de fatores. A sua ida me impulsionou a ver e enfrentar a fragilidade da vida; como ela é efêmera e a qualquer momento ela pode ser tirada de nós. Lembro-me de me sentir tão fraco e triste, que eu era, nas palavras de Kushner, a shell, e nada mais. Apenas um corpo em pé, sem cair, mas emocionalmente ausente.
Bom, nesses três anos, o que posso dizer é que eu sinto saudades da sua janela pulando na minha tela com as palavras "oi amado!" Sinto falta da sua teimosia, da sua constante vontade de ficar mais tempo no computador do que devido, das nossas conversas que duravam horas e horas; sinto falta da sua amizade; sinto falta de você.
Um dia você me perguntou se eu sentiria a sua falta quando você fosse embora e a resposta ainda é a mesma: claro que eu vou sentir saudades de você. Sinto todos os dias. Mas sei também que não nos despedimos para sempre, pois, como você mesmo disse, "para sempre é longe demais, sempre tem uma hora que a gente se encontra." E é verdade!
E então até lá, mein kleiner Freund, ich freue mich auf diesen Tag.

Alles liebe,

B.

terça-feira, 26 de março de 2013

Skin

This desire to shed my skin
To rip and scratch it off
As if it was nothing but paper
Wrapping me around
Tying me bound
To a place I don't want to be

And the hummingbirds sing
Laughing at me
In their mockery of my face
Of my desperation
Of my attempt to be one
I want to be

They laugh at me trying to go
Where I need to be
Knowing that I will 
Always be here

I just want to shed my skin
Start anew and fresh
Somewhere far, far,
Far away from here

segunda-feira, 25 de fevereiro de 2013

Der Geburtstagsbrief - A Carta de Aniversário



254
Essa carta é o texto que fecha o meu livro, escrito e apresentado como minha monografia, Meia-Noite, Viena. Achei ser um bom texto para o dia de hoje. Tanto a versão em alemão, quanto a em português estão abaixo.

Wien, den 25. Februar, 2012

Lieber Cadu, den ich sehr vermisse,
heute wärest du 22 Jahre alt, aber das Schicksal hat uns eine schlechte Überraschung gegeben. Leider bist du nicht mehr mit uns und jeden Tag ist es mir ebenso schwer und traurig ohne dich zu leben.
Wann würde ich es mir vorstellen, dass ich ohne dich deinen Geburtstag feiern würde? Wann würde ich es mir vorstellen, dass ich deine Hände nicht halten könnte? Wann würden wir es uns vorstellen, dass alles so schnell vergehen würde?
Ich erinnere mich an den Tag, in dem wir das erste Mal mit einander geredet haben. Bald wurden wir Freunden. Wir haben auf einander vertraut und bis heute habe ich nie eine so süße, nette, vertrauenswürdige und besondere Person wie du kennengelernt.
Ich hoffe, alles geht dir gut und du bist sehr froh, obwohl ich ausgesprochen traurig bin. Aber es ist wirklich egal, wie es mir geht, weil ich weiß, dass es dir nun viel besser ist. Vieles wurde von dir so schnell weggenommen, und während dieser Zeit hast du mir gezeigt, was Mut, Kraft, Liebe, Freundschaft, Respekt und Verstand bedeuten.
Du bist das Licht, das den Weg meines Lebens leuchtet. Du bist die Stimme, die mir sagt, was Richtig und Falsch ist. Du bist die Inspiration, die meine Tage bewegt. Du, Cadu, bist der Freund, den ich nie vergessen werde.
Alles Gute zum Geburtstag, amado! Ich liebe dich sehr und ich vermisse dich jeden Tag!

Alles liebe,
Nado



_____

Viena, 25 de fevereiro, 2012.

Querido Cadu, de quem eu sinto tanto a falta,

Hoje você teria 22 anos, mas o destino nos preparou uma péssima surpresa. Infelizmente você não está mais conosco e todos os dias viver é tão difícil e triste.
Quando eu poderia imaginar, que eu iria festejar o seu aniversário sem você? Quando eu poderia imaginar, que eu não poderia segurar suas mãos? Quando iríamos imaginar, que tudo seria tão rápido?
Eu me lembro do dia em que conversamos pela primeira vez. Logo éramos amigos. Nós confiávamos um no outro e até hoje, eu não ainda não conheci uma pessoa tão doce, legal, confiável e especial como você.
Espero que tudo esteja bem com você e que você esteja feliz, apesar deu estar assumidamente triste. Mas não importa como eu estou, porque eu sei que você está agora bem melhor. Muitas coisas foram tiradas de você tão repentinamente, e durante este tempo você me mostrou o que significa coragem, força, amor, amizade, respeito e compreensão.
Você é a luz que ilumina o meu caminho. Você é a voz que me diz o que é certo e errado. Você é a inspiração que movimenta os meus dias. Você, Cadu, é o amigo que nunca esquecerei.
Feliz aniversário, amado! Eu te amo e sinto sua falta todos os dias.

Com muito amor,

Nado

sábado, 5 de janeiro de 2013

Estella


O, take my heart in your hands
Twist it, break it, make it new
O, take my life in your hands
Bend it, sell it, dispose of it

Loving you is like a drug
I crave for it, yearn for it
Being with you drives me mad
Thoughts, dark and tragic

O, take my faith in your hands
Rewrite it, destroy it, play with it
O, take my soul in your hands
Lose it, shatter it, laugh at it

Had I only known that you,
it had to be you,
would have made torn me apart,
would I still have come?

O, Estella, take me in your hands
Do what you will with me,
Enjoy my pathetic love, intentions,
Expectations, as you will

Just don't forget that when you fall,
and we are all bound to fall,
I won't be around to catch you,
for I will have been long gone and done.