Sometimes it’s no use fight over some things, like for example, trying to sleep when you know you’re not gonna make it. This is one of those days. Actually, lately I haven’t been getting too much sleep nor when I do are they the greatest. People, things, places and words keep on blurring in front of me; the world slowly fades away out of focus and all that I was hoping to see or hoping to exist cease to be right in front of me. Plans and dreams dissolves right before my own eyes and not even a single tear I can cry for them, for I could not see them disappear. Hearts being broken for the hundredth time this year; silly disputes between friends; foolish games to see who misses who first or who the better person is in this whole mess. Indeed, all we do is play. Play with each others’ feelings, dreams, hopes, fear and sorrow. We like to be entertained, even if that costs the love of the ones right next to us. We want to seem noble, so we embrace causes not worth fighting for. We chase the unknown and talk about God as if we were the example of faith and Christianity. We tell ourselves small white lies so that people see us with different eyes; to be accepted; to be known; to be cared about and for and above all, to me loved and missed.
In the end, does it really matter this whole shenanigan? Or is it all just some vain battle of broken egos and broken wings? The truth is we will never know what and why we are fighting for and against, nor will we ever truly realize the meaning of every single thing we do. We may think, or even believe that, that small thing we did or said means nothing when it comes to a global effect, but like the stroke of a butterfly’s wings can cause a hurricane on the other half of the world, the same can happen with our actions. One word may hurt someone deeper than we could ever imagine. Our simple problem may be the worst probation a person could be going through as well as the things we envy the most about people could be just phantoms of their biggest and inner problems.
Being able to thing about all these will not make me change who I am, nor will it make any of you change yourselves; after all, we could watch all those documentaries about how we are destroying our planet or about how junk food is bad for our health, but we would get in our SUVs and drive with the air-conditioning at full speed and head to a drive-thru to get ourselves that same junk food that made that guy from that movie whose name I forgot feel sick. The idea of it all is to try to make a change and whether it will come to a result or not depends entirely on us, but, as lazy we all are, few actually take a stand and decide to make a change.
I’m trying to make a change right now. A personal one though. I’m trying to become a better person and a kinder human being. I’m trying to be more responsible for my actions as well more disciplined and I’m also trying to actually stick to it this time. If it’ll prove to be helpful or successful – well, that only time will tell.
