Fluttering

So then again here I am

Once more alone

Sitting where I always stand

In a crossroads with no one

So then again here I cry

Once more for that piece that died

Long ago when my heart

Stopped beating for good

I wonder when will I learn

How longer must my soul ache

Where are all those which were mine,

promised at birth then later deserted

And so here I stand

Once again alone in this bench

With a puff of freezing air

cutting through my skin,

making me wish I would never be

so unloved and tossed around

like a shit-bag of human crap –

unwanted, unseen, unloved

I often think of how I see myself

and how this reflects on how

you see me – but then again,

why wonder for something which is not

So then again here I am

praying for some comfort

that never comes – hoping

for a love that was never loved

Childishly, foolishly

and so does life treat me boorishly

and on with it I go

sluggishly waiting for that day

when all of you who once turned me

away would come back and say

“We were wrong to have you tossed

like you were a disposable cup

in which we drank and got what

we wanted and no use for it was set.

We are sorry for having treated you

frivolously blinded by ourselves”

But this day will never come –

and I guess if it did come,

I would simply turn my head and smile

for vindication is best enjoyed alone

So there I am, once again

Alone how this all began

and alone how it would all end

For there is no recipe

No magic that would make me crawl

into a cocoon and metamorphose me

into something I am not –

into someone you would want

me to be – but then again

this is me; childishly, foolishly

waiting for that which was said

to be mine by right and justice

That which was said to be aligned

and soon to come – my true self

my one and only love

the one who would sweep me up

But none of these came

And alone today I stand

And alone tomorrow I’ll be

Here and forever – through eternity


Belo Horizonte, 22/05/2011